What is going to make me break first?

Today has been better, I worked this morning then headed home trying to pretend I wasn't sick. I ate quickly, then headed to get the girls. We tried to go to target, but I didn't make it. I bought some sinus med and headed home. I promptly dumped A in the bed and got in one myself. The med worked well enough for me to get up and tend to my supper (which had been cooking all day and was starving us all) and make a batch of "place and bake" cookies for the kids. (okay,and for me too)

Our relatively quiet house has gotten crazy again. Within 4 minutes (really) of Tay walking back in the door from school and a whole week at her moms the phone began ringing. It rang 14 times from 4:03 til 5:05 and all but one was for her...teenagers...

Taylor was supposed to have soccer practice tonight but she has, a) lost her soccer stuff who knows where (all $125 of it) or b.) had it stolen out of her locker on which she has no lock. Either way she is in big trouble. She couldn't go to practice tonight and she has a game tomorrow in which she cannot play because she has no game jersey,cleats, shinguards, socks..you name it we don't have it!
Donny is so mad he cannot even talk. He took her back to school at 5:30 to look in her locker and all the lost and founds at school-everywhere. It was her attitude about it that made him mad.
I'm currently too drugged on sinus med to really get THAT upset. Give me tomorrow...oh I'm just kidding.
Still no word from Pete. I'm still holding my breath.

Trying to Forget-- Our Drugs of Choice? Dollywood and Dinner!

Still no word from Pete. Yesterday we went to Dollywood. We just needed to get out and forget. I couldn't sit in the house another day and look at Donny and feel the sadness and stress another minute. So we all got up and went. He hasn't been since it was silver dollar city, so it has changed alot since then. We rode everything possible with the kids. They loved it. They had time with their mom and dad smiling and laughing. Just living it up. When A saw the carousel she started clapping and Yeahing!!! She loves animals and is fascinated with all the painted beauties. We "splurged" and ate in one of the restaurants for lunch. We should've gone for cheap stuff outside it would have been better.
Donny got the tea cups going too fast and A almost barfed all over the cup all over us! Yuck, I screamed as I got a look of her pale,limp and green body laying against the side lifeless that something was WRONG! Stop it, Donny, LOOK! Yikes that was close, Donny doesn't even like the kids to put a hand on his clothes when their eating much less vomit all over his pretty little RALPH LAUREN shirt....
The train ride late in the afternoon almost put A to sleep. It was cute. She drank her lemonade and just sat back.

(oh yes,Much to our surprise (disappointment) it was department day at 21st and there were a bunch of their employs there....)

We decided to stop on the way home and eat. We ate with no issues but I got up at the end to use the restroom and took A. Donny and R were left. She started telling Donny how there was a baby in her belly (she has been watching Baby Bear Gets a Sister, from when A was born) and he just said uh huh and went on. She said LOUDLY "there's alot of ladies in here that have babies in their bellies". Donny looked and saw nothing, continuing to collect our stuff to leave. They proceed to get out of their chairs and R goes over to the lady sitting near us and says pointing at her face "this lady does" and glancing around says "see, all these ladies do". Donny laughs a small,weak (woody woodpeckerish)embarrassed laugh and shoves her out of the dining area towards the door of the restaurant leaving a lady staring a whole through him. (All the ladies around us were pretty good size, it being never ending pasta bowl night down at the olive garden you can imagine) We laughed so hard all the way home we couldn't stand it. She was totally oblivious as to what the problem was...kids. Thanks R we needed that!

Oh, I'm going out of my head....

We are now going out of our minds with wonder. We found out the top dog was in town yesterday and didn't end up calling Donny to meet after his meeting with TW...which leaves us in huge limbo. Is he too scared to tell Donny face to face that he is going to pass? TW said he would completely cut them off if they hired Donny and that has scared this guy to pieces. I hate wimps. Business is business-get over it!! I am sick, we didn't sleep at all last night. I mean we sat up and didn't rest til about 5 when we fell asleep til the kids woke me at 8. This is ruining our lives. I am scared about numerous things. Financial failure, starting over again from scratch, Donny and I have done this before,but not with 3 children. Just the thought of our dream dying is KILLING me. I can see why people jump off bridges over things like this, it is mind wrenching. I am terrified.

Kindermusik Blues

We are still battling...A and I. She is NOT winning though. She gets a spanking every K-music class. But it is getting later and later in the class time each week. She just doesn't want to emit any control over herself, and I say want because she can. I am working with her on staying on task and not just walking away when bored. Puzzles for instance, she pours all the pieces (we're talking 10) off the puzzle board and then does one and wants to walk away. I make her stay and work the whole thing. R's practices, I make her sit the first 30 minutes and then she can get up. My friend taught me this technique for stretching their attention span, and understanding stop. Her K-music teacher is a big proponent of this method, she still uses it with her bigger kids. At the dinner table as soon as she is done she wants down. No,we are making her stay til we are all finished with eating, not talking, cause we linger for 30 to 45 minutes afterward talking especially if T is here. She has got to be able to sit. This wasn't an issue with R but every child is different. And we are working those. :)

Wishin' and Hopein' and Dreamin'

This waiting on the "real" answer is killing us all. We are jumping down each others throats and are a bunch of nervous cats around here. I just want to scream. We are ready to go, I WANT to go. We have told everyone, we are ready to pack, we have a house picked out, we have explored the schools, we've made the transition in our minds. Let's go!!!

I cannot even enjoy my remaining (?) weeks, months, here because we are in such limbo. If I knew I would just know and could kind of get with it. And if it's no, then we need to both find jobs, start preparing to move forward here. Or possibly somewhere else unknown to earn a living. I mean this is a once in a lifetime thing, and we have been dealing with this for a year. Then with the loss of his job before summer, it has been horrible. We are on pins and needles.

Donny and I have had REAL adjustments to make, and maybe the most has come from my end and my unreal expectations of him. I have to admit I still expect more from him then he can give at times. I expect him to have the feel like he is a part of team raising the kids and cleaning, but I cannot understand why he burries himself in his playstation but I think he is trying to block all this out and escape for a time. I know this is horrible for him. I cannot imagine how he must feel. I on the otherhand am throwing myself into the house and kids to drown out what is happening. My health has been affected, my mood, everything...but having him home is not always the underlying problem, we are moving past alot of those issues now. But having no "certain" future, and I say that in quotes because nobodys is certain, but we are hanging by our hoo hahs right now.

Please let us find out something FAST! But...let it be the answer I want it to be....what is that???? :)

Changes.....

WOW it has been a long time. Alot has happened, we are moving to OK if you haven't heard. I have had such mixed feelings about all this. It sure is hard to think of moving and leaving my "sisters" (you know who you are). I love this area so much. But now that we went to scout it out I am more and more okay with it. Still hard? YES. But there is calmness in knowing what things look like and knowing the area pretty well. We were able to explore the area to some extent. It will be a nice place to raise my family. And think we might be adding one when we get there. We'll see. Just doesn't feel like the family is complete yet.... The jury is still out on that one. But with my husband getting home at 5 to5:15 rather than 7, I could do it.

I have been busy with a church sale this week, it has consumed me. I hope I did pretty well. I just wanted it out! Yeah! I have started flylady again.

I had the BIG talk with T the other day and it went so well. I was really running on holy spirit. All my moms old talks came back and all the spiritual food I had injested all these years came toppling out with a little help from God. (See I am listening in church...) Some of you don't know I was a missionary for 7 years (90 hours a month commitment) in Maynardville and rural Greeneville but I guess all that bible readin' did me some good! It is a shame that her mom didn't get to experience that moment with her own child, but I gave her 13 years to do it. I felt time was a-wastin' due to some findings in her diary. I mourned the passing of my little girl first and then went in with all the love I could. I love her, I really do. She was my first child, even if she wasn't born of my womb.

I am proud to have told her, and I am glad she will remember my face and my voice and my have my morals behind this rather than the health teachers employed by the county.

Thanks to my buddies who prayed for me, I couldn't have done it without you.

Same old song, same old tune

It is here again SUNDAY. Yuck, I managed to get out of the house this AM without getting mad at my family but didn't manage to get home. I swear, same old problems....
We are going to hopefully have a quick and fun week. I hope to keep the kids busy with school, sports, church and myself with sewing that their won't be much time to worry about what is going on. Oh well, little to report today.

Everyday Is An Adventure

We have had a busy few days. And even with me working I have found time to put some lessons on the table this week! Tuesday we went to a nature center for a lesson on local animals and bugs. Then we walked down some paths, which Reagan referred to as the "deep forest" . I guess it did feel like that since she hasn't really been in the woods before, or not in a long time. She has been hiking. We stopped on the way home and bought some books. One on nature itself, and one about birds, lots of pictures and information. Good stuff, and not real expensive. Girls really liked them.

Then on Wednesday I worked then home to sew and finish Taylors room. Reagan and Allison played building blocks, stacking and building letter combinations they have been learning.

Today they both went to school while I worked, then Allison took a nap. Reagan and I did a number matching puzzle, matching the numeral with the picture, then the number word (ex.one) and matching it the picture. She did great. She worked on this yesterday and today. She is learning to slow down and count each thing on the card to get to the correct answer. Great puzzle. Great day so far. Allison when we arrived home went around the back of the car and saw the license tag and began trying to sound it out with the correct sound for each letter. WOW! She has been paying attention!! I just let her try.